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whoever fights monsters
[ Eddie had thought about death before. Plenty of times. But it had never been in any real sort of way. It had been miniatures on a table top, heroic characters meeting tragic ends. It had been Boromir sent down the river, Artax in the swamp of sadness. They were always devastating, always epic-- always fictional. Because he was young, because for most of his life monsters were only things in stories, Eddie had never really thought about his own death. He was young, and still possessed a certain feeling of being invincible.
Things had changed so quickly, his entire understanding of reality crashing down around him. For the first time, he felt truly afraid to die. He saw heroism existing outside of stories, and had wanted to be like that too, no matter how afraid he was, no matter how much Hawkins hated him. He was going to be brave, in a way that made a difference, he wouldn't run away.
And he died for it.
There was nothing that could have prepared him for it, the feeling of being torn apart. Sometimes, he thinks he's still screaming. Everything was dark around the edges, time seeming to slow as he shared his final words with Dustin. Then he was gone. Or perhaps, not gone, but... elsewhere. Somewhere dark and infinite. If this was hell, maybe he's lucked out. There's no fire, no winged assholes with pitchforks. Just nothing, reaching out in all directions.
It was in the darkness that he heard it. Something had called out to him, and Eddie had answered. He can't quite remember it, the way he was remade. It had hurt, had felt like hellfire burning through him. Eddie was acutely aware of how every inch of him was stitched back together. The same, and yet so impossibly different. He was still Eddie, in some small way. But he was also something else.
Eddie hits the ground running, literally, thrown from the void and back into the town that despises him. He's hungry, so hungry, the feeling overwhelms him. He can't think about anything else until he finds someone, a man wandering down one of the devastated streets. Eddie overpowers him easily, and takes what he needs. It's as he's wiping the blood from his mouth that an order strikes through him, straight from the lips of his creator.
Eddie is a general now. And he needs recruits.
A name flits across his mind, and Eddie smiles to himself. Someone he knows-- knew, once. Eddie takes a moment to make himself presentable. Rather, to make it look like he hasn't just killed someone. He looks like he's been through hell, and that's true enough, but he doesn't head out until the only blood on him is his own. He's quick and quiet in a way he never was before, and he's in front of the darkened house before he knows it. It looks almost deserted. Maybe her parents are out of town. Maybe they're dead. It doesn't matter
Perfect.
He does a lap around the house, trying to determine which window might be Chrissy's. He makes his best guess, and sends a perfectly aimed pebble up into the darkness. ]
Hey! Chrissy! [ It's eerie, how much his voice still sounds like his own. ] You up there?
Things had changed so quickly, his entire understanding of reality crashing down around him. For the first time, he felt truly afraid to die. He saw heroism existing outside of stories, and had wanted to be like that too, no matter how afraid he was, no matter how much Hawkins hated him. He was going to be brave, in a way that made a difference, he wouldn't run away.
And he died for it.
There was nothing that could have prepared him for it, the feeling of being torn apart. Sometimes, he thinks he's still screaming. Everything was dark around the edges, time seeming to slow as he shared his final words with Dustin. Then he was gone. Or perhaps, not gone, but... elsewhere. Somewhere dark and infinite. If this was hell, maybe he's lucked out. There's no fire, no winged assholes with pitchforks. Just nothing, reaching out in all directions.
It was in the darkness that he heard it. Something had called out to him, and Eddie had answered. He can't quite remember it, the way he was remade. It had hurt, had felt like hellfire burning through him. Eddie was acutely aware of how every inch of him was stitched back together. The same, and yet so impossibly different. He was still Eddie, in some small way. But he was also something else.
Eddie hits the ground running, literally, thrown from the void and back into the town that despises him. He's hungry, so hungry, the feeling overwhelms him. He can't think about anything else until he finds someone, a man wandering down one of the devastated streets. Eddie overpowers him easily, and takes what he needs. It's as he's wiping the blood from his mouth that an order strikes through him, straight from the lips of his creator.
Eddie is a general now. And he needs recruits.
A name flits across his mind, and Eddie smiles to himself. Someone he knows-- knew, once. Eddie takes a moment to make himself presentable. Rather, to make it look like he hasn't just killed someone. He looks like he's been through hell, and that's true enough, but he doesn't head out until the only blood on him is his own. He's quick and quiet in a way he never was before, and he's in front of the darkened house before he knows it. It looks almost deserted. Maybe her parents are out of town. Maybe they're dead. It doesn't matter
Perfect.
He does a lap around the house, trying to determine which window might be Chrissy's. He makes his best guess, and sends a perfectly aimed pebble up into the darkness. ]
Hey! Chrissy! [ It's eerie, how much his voice still sounds like his own. ] You up there?
no subject
[ He sounds relieved, and some part of him really feels that way. Despite his ulterior motives, he doesn't want Chrissy to be far from him. Eddie can't explain it, at least, now when he's come back different. Chrissy shouldn't matter to him in any real way, but he smoothes a hand down her jittery leg like he really means to soothe. ]
I'm sorry, I just-- [ A laugh bubbles out of him, shaky and unsure. ] I don't know. I don't want to make things worse for you.
[ For the first time, he speaks without the intention of causing guilt. It still might come across that way, but he doesn't mean it, not right now. How long this feeling will last, he isn't sure. He thinks that the sooner it's gone, the better. ]
no subject
How could you ever make things worse for me?
[She demands to know, pulling back enough to fix him with a seriously concerned look. It bothers her when he thinks so lowly of himself.]
The only thing you're doing is showing me I don't have to be alone anymore. Eddie, I —
[Pausing, she worries at her lip for a second before she lets the words tumble out of her further. She doesn't want him to worry about her, but she also doesn't want to feel like she isn't being up front and honest with him too.]
Do you have any idea how big of a deal it is to me that you're alive right now? And that you came to see me?
no subject
[ A lie. He knows exactly how to make things worse for her, knows that his being here at all is making things worse. Chrissy just isn't aware of that yet. Something close to guilt burrows into him, and Eddie tries to force it down. Guilt isn't supposed to be part of what he feels now, and it's an irritating distraction. ]
I guess it's just-- [ Maybe it's the hunger that's distracting him, keeping him from otherwise laser focus. He can feel it deep within him, sharp in his guts. ] I'm still trying to catch up, I think.
[ He wants to feed, but it's still a want more than a need. There's still a way to use his hunger to his benefit, and so he swallows it down. Everything will come in good time, he just needs to be patient, careful. ]
no subject
It's okay if you take a while to catch up. I'm here to help you through it, no matter how long it takes.
[She pauses, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose in an attempt to make him at least smile a little.]
Is there anything I can do for you now? Are you hungry? Want to go back to sleep?