cheerfire | would someone care to classify

would someone care to classify

[ This was stupid. Scratch that, this was something more than stupid. It was pointless, hopeless, insane, a waste of time-- the list went on. But after everything he had seen after the Upside Down, why should this be any more fantastical than the rest of it? It doesn't take long from when he's out of the hospital that the research begins. They're out of the trailer park now, officially condemned, but his uncle had been given enough hush money to set them up at a new place, an apartment just outside of town. Even though Eddie has been officially been cleared of all wrong doing, it was still better for him to keep a low profile.

As soon as they were settled in the new place, Eddie had shut himself away in his new room with the decrepit books he had scrounged up in the library. They were all about death, the dead, the afterlife-- and how to make contact. Call him crazy-- and most people probably would, if they had known what he was up to. But Eddie had shut out the rest of the world as he healed, threw himself into macabre studies as his body healed. The only thing he's been able to think about since leaving the hospital, since that night, really, is her. Chrissy Cunningham. And he has been consumed by the idea of somehow contacting her, apologizing for how he's failed her. It's the least he can do, right?

And so it's late one early spring night that Eddie slips from the apartment, fires up the van and makes a beeline for the old trailer. A brown paper grocery bag sits beside him on the passenger seat, his only companion on the silent drive over. The move is bright and heavy in the sky as he pulls up in front of the trailer, still wrapped up in caution tape. Not that the feds have done much about it, and so he's able to sneak inside without much issue. Every single nerve ending feels like it's on fire, and it's all he can do to keep from trembling. He hasn't been in the trailer since it happened, and it feels deeply wrong to be here now.

For once, determination wins out over fear and anxiety, and Eddie goes about unpacking the bag and spreading the contents out over the living room floor. He spreads out candles, bundled sage, grave dirt, a wilted lily. All of them are arranged carefully, the candles lit, as he flips slowly through pages of a heavy, musty, tome. There's no way this will work, he thinks, but trying might make him feel better. Maybe he can move on after that. Cast in the glow of candlelight, Eddie fumbles through several lines of latin, words that he only vaguely knows the meaning of. Then he sets the book down, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. ]

Chrissy Cunningham. [ It's the first time he's spoken her name aloud since... since then. And it sends spears of guilt that drive themselves deep into his heart. ] I call upon-- [ This is so stupid, he thinks. Pathetic. ] I call upon your spirit. Reveal yourself.

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[ Letting go and moving on are things that he can't possibly understand, ideas that he refuses to entertain. All of this has flown in the face of moving on, and now he's so close-- so close to being able to talk to her, to apologize, to do anything. Jesus, he can feel his heart breaking into pieces in chest. Then she's crying, and he thinks he wants to cry too, but the tears don't come. He feels dried out, like he's put everything into just being able to see her. ]

Yeah, I can see you. [ He reaches to fold his hands over hers, and it's solid, it feels like touching a living thing. Sure, she's cold, but he doesn't care how it feels just so long as he can touch her. ] And I can feel you.

[ Eddie isn't sure where he's supposed to go from here. He clings to her like she's his lifeline, can't imagine a reality where he's not desperately clutching to her ghostly hands. ]

You can stay. [ He needs her to stay. ] Just stay with me, Chrissy.

[She makes the smallest, wrecked sound as he's able to press his hand over hers. The gesture completely breaks her, leaving her stunned into stillness as she looks up at him with wide eyes. He can feel her. He can touch her. She has to be so cold and disturbing to make contact with, but he's touching her anyway.

And the way he's looking at her shatters her into thousands of pieces. How could she ever leave him, after she's seen how much he needs her?]

I'll try to stay.

[She promises, because she doesn't think she can give him false hope.]

But you need to leave me here, Eddie. I'm dead and gone.

[It's impossible for her to move her hand away and off of his cheek. Her fingers flex and press against him more firmly, and she finds it in her to manage a hint of a smile. Anything to try and comfort him.]

No, no, I can't leave you.

[ If it means he has to stay in the ruins of his trailer forever, constantly replenishing the supplies for the spell that's brought her here, then so be it. Now that he's made contact, how can he ever bring himself to say goodbye? If he could manage to summon her ghost, surely there's something more he can do. There has to be. ]

Chrissy, I-- [ His voice catches in his throat, as he tries to hold himself together. That is becoming more difficult with every passing second. He's coming apart at the seams, grief and joy warring within him. Eddie sobs, and it turns into a breathy laugh, before breaking. ] I'm so sorry. It's all my fault.

What?

[The fact that he's just sobbed and he's apologizing to her knocks her for a loop. Are ghosts supposed to be able to be confused like this? How is it possible that she can feel her heart racing, when she doesn't even have a heartbeat anymore?

None of this is making sense, and it all makes her want to give in to the panic she had felt right before she died. Being here brings all of the memories up to the surface, and it's hard for her to hold it together so she can console him.]

Eddie, how is any of this your fault? I mean, I know you're the one that brought me back here, but...

[Her hand presses more firmly against his cheek, as if she'll get him to feel reason.]

You know I don't blame you for what happened to me, right?

Because I--

[ His voice breaks, shatters into pieces at the very idea that she doesn't blame him. How can she not, when it was him that failed to save her, and then ran away like a coward? All he's been able to do since then is blame himself, to try and figure out how he could have done things differently and saved her. ]

I should have known. I should been able to-- been able to save you.

[ Eddie hangs his head, can't do anything to keep back the hot tears that now streak his face. It feels wrong that she's even trying to make him feel better right now. ]

We figured it out after you-- after you. We figured out how we could have saved you after it was already too late. And I don't know how to live with that.

Eddie Munson, don't you dare do that. [Her voice isn't harsh, but it's firm in her conviction.] It wasn't your job to save me. I should've reached out to someone sooner. I should've told you what was really going on.

[She hesitates after that, her touch falling away from him as she falls back and sits in her own misery. A cloud seems to form around her, and she very nearly flickers and fades away. But thankfully she's tethered to this place with his spell, the items he's arranged keeping her right where she is.

Her head ducks as her hands anxiously press against her knees. No matter how hard her fingernails dig into what used to be her flesh, she can't feel it and she doesn't bleed. It's a good reminder that she's a ghost, and none of this is permanent. She's only here for as long as Eddie wills it. She has no control here, no real place in his life or in this world. This isn't even borrowed time.

It's something else entirely, and it hurts her to know that she's driven him to obsessing over her fate and thinks he has to learn how to live with not being able to save her.]

I should have saved myself. [Her voice cracks with the admission as her shoulders slump.]

But I didn't. I stayed quiet and just let it happen.

Edited 2022-10-07 05:02 (UTC)

Chrissy, no.

[ Hearing her blame herself makes him feel like he's breaking open. Of course, the reality of them is neither of them could have done anything to stop it at the time, not with what they knew then. But it doesn't stop him from blaming himself, doesn't stop her from blaming herself either. It tears him up, he's sure he can really feel it, his insides shredding themselves to pieces at the very idea. ]

Maybe... maybe neither of us really knew.

[ It's a fact, but one that he's not ready to accept. Somehow the reality of it, where neither of them are to blame, is worse. Eddie looks up at her, because he realizes he should be taking every opportunity to soak in these traces of her. ]

I just wish things were different. [ Understatement of the century, right there. ] I wish you were still here.

[That gets her to lift her head, eyes wide and brimming with unshed tears. His admission is shocking, if only because she can't imagine any world where she's made such an impact on someone that they'd want her to still be around.]

Really? [Her shock sounds genuine as she sits up straighter, looking over at him with confusion.]

What do you think it would be like if I still was?

[The second the question leaves her lips, she feels terrible. She really shouldn't have asked him that. It's cruel to the both of them. But a part of her desperately wants to know the answer. ]

I don't know.

[ Which is more or less a lie, because how things could have been have consumed every waking thought since he had watched her die. They had a connection, an undeniable chemistry, something he still couldn't put his finger on. All he knows is that every inch of him has so desperately reached out for an answer. If Chrissy were still here, what if, what if, what if.

But she's here now, and that counts for something, counts for a lot. He's not sure if he can keep her here, but he's going to try. Whatever it takes. Unless... ]

Hey, um... [ Eddie clutches more tightly to her, doesn't even notice the chill of her touch. ] Before here, was it-- were you somewhere better? Like, heaven, or something?

I don't know.

[Still, she sounds small and almost lost. Like she isn't even sure where she is now. Obviously, she recognizes his trailer. The state it's in is distressing, though not as much as the condition he's in. Maybe she should lie to him, since she thinks he might feel better if he thinks she was in some cloudy place as an angel.]

Everything was dark. I really don't think heaven is real.

[Which is a big waste of time all those years her parents drug her to church. But what is she going to do about that now? Nothing really matters anymore, apart from the fact that the connection she had felt with him before her death is the only thing she can really think fondly on in the moment. It's the only part of her short life that she can say felt so vividly and genuinely real that she wants to scream and rage because they never go to see where their connection could lead.

It's not fair.

Why was she targeted by that monster?

Why did no one close to her notice she was struggling and try to help?

Why didn't the school counselor do anything when she tried speaking up?

Why didn't she go to Eddie sooner to score drugs?

And why didn't he find the Special K sooner?

Chrissy's overcome with the unfairness of all of it, and she can only cling hold of him because he's the only thing currently keeping her from going back to the dark, empty place.]

[ It's not like Eddie ever really believed in Heaven, but somehow, hearing Chrissy's description of what comes after breaks something small inside him. Heaven was supposed to be where his mother was, where he had hoped Chrissy would be. But there's a sort of relief, because it means if he tries to keep her here, he isn't robbing her of something better. By now, he thinks he'll do anything if it means he doesn't have to lose her again. ]

Then stay here.

[ He says softly, as though that's something easy, something she can choose to do. Maybe it is, now that he's managed to summon her here. Maybe that's all it would take. Eddie lets himself hope that's the case, at least for now. His heart can only take so much in one sitting, and he needs this small shred of hope to cling to. ]

I'll... I got you here, so I'll figure out how to help you stay. If that's what you want, I mean.

[Stay there? Was that something that she even could do? Chrissy stares up at him with wide eyes, unsure of what to do or say. The thought of promising him something she can't actually give him feels so wrong to do. He's been through so much because of her, and adding to the pile would leave her with plenty of unfinished business.

But maybe that's what Eddie is, in some way. Her feelings for him had been brand new that night, but they were still there. It was definitely one of those love at first sight sort of things out in the forest. And even if it had only been puppy love, who knows what they could've been and what those feelings would have grown into?

They've both been robbed of the chance to find out.]

I want to stay. [She can say that's what she wants, at least.] But even if we figure out a way to make it happen...Eddie, I'm still going to be dead.

[Chrissy can touch him somehow, and he can see her. But it's not like they're able to walk out of this trailer and be together or have a happy ending.]

Unless you have a way to fix that too?

[There's a small laugh, like she's joking. But it's hard to deny the fact there's hope in her voice.]

I don't care if you're dead.

[ His voice is quiet, scarcely a whisper, but he means it. If the rest of his life is going to amount to harboring Chrissy as a ghost, then fine, he'll figure out a way to deal. Maybe it's the reckless teenager in him, the part of him that feels no fear in charging into the unknown. Nothing has felt right since she died, and whatever chance he has-- he's going to take it. ]

But maybe I can... I don't know.

[ Eddie's gaze drifts towards the book he had brought, the one that had summoned her here in the first place. None of this was supposed to be real, but it was clearly time for him to stop worrying about what was real or what wasn't. If he had managed to bring her here, then there should be a way for him to make it permanent. ]

There are books.

[ He's got a mad sort of smile on his face, looks at her with all the hope in the world in his eyes. If he can bring her here, then keeping her here should be no problem. Maybe he can even make it like it was before, give her a real body, bring her back to the side of the living. ]

I bet I can find it. How to bring you back, permanently. Do you trust me?

Of course I trust you.

[The answer comes immediately, without any hesitation. Chrissy knows without a doubt that she trusts Eddie. She can't exactly say that she trusts him with her life, since she doesn't have a life left to live. But she trusts him to figure out whatever it is he wants to do.

If he thinks he can make this permanent, she wouldn't complain.

But if he changes his mind and wants to send her back to the dark place, she thinks she can accept that too.

The look on his face fills her with hope, even as it makes her heart painfully twist. It shouldn't be able to do that, she thinks. It's not even beating, and yet it can cause such a dramatic ache within her. Maybe this is the way love is supposed to feel, she guesses. Like you're being torn apart just because the person you care about is hurting.]

If you have to go find the book, I can wait here.

[Maybe he doesn't mean to go find it right now though. What if he means he'll spend time with her now, and then try to find it later and call her back to him again? Chrissy has to accept that this is really out of her control, another aspect of her life she can't really take charge in.

She reminds herself that even if Eddie finds the book and is able to make things happen, there's no way she'll be alive again. She can't just go back home and into her old life. Chrissy Cunningham is dead.

Hawkins would tear him apart, being sure he was some kind of satanist that could raise the dead.]

[ The idea that she trusts him, really trusts him, even after he'd let her die, sends a tidal wave of relief rushing through him. Everything about this is strange, wrong, impossible, but he feels like he can breathe properly for the first time since she'd come to his trailer. Eddie reaches for the ghostly visage of her face, and his fingers are able to make contact against something solid.

Her face is cold the same way her hands had been, and the touch sucks the heat out through every pore. But there's something different about this, if only slightly, and he thinks he can maybe feel his own warmth radiate back from her. It would be far from the strangest thing to happen tonight. Eddie rises up off his knees, lets his forehead press against hers. Again, there is the sensation of warmth being snatched away and then returned in a scant fraction. ]

I can do this, I know I can.

[ Eddie's voice sounds more sure, more steady, in a way that surprises him. He manages to break his grasp on her, briefly fearful that the loss of contact will mean she disappears forever. But she's still there, and Eddie is determined to keep it that way, whatever the cost. ]

Let's see...

[ He grabs for his backpack, roots around through the decrepit volumes that he's stuffed in there. He pulls them out one after another, turns carefully through each before inevitably tossing one away to grab another. His gaze darts fervently between the books and Chrissy, still unable to shake the fear that she'll disappear at any moment. It's when he's down to the last book, the thickest and heaviest, its pages thin and nearly crumbling at his touch. ]

Ok I-- I think I found something. [ His face pales a little as he reads down the page, but when he looks up at her, he forces a smile. ] Yeah, this'll do it.

[Chrissy watches him with forced neutrality, not wanting to get too hopeful. She thinks it might destroy him if he's not able to find anything to keep her with him, and she doesn't want to give him hope to cling hold of. Not yet. It feels too cruel.

She can tell he's forcing a smile, and she gives him a strained one in return. But she nods in an attempt to show him that she understands that he's trying. That's all he can do, isn't it? Try to keep her with him. It's not like this is a foolproof plan that's guaranteed to work.

But he needs her, she can see that. And really, she's pretty sure that she needs him too. She doesn't want to leave and go back to wherever she was. Endless darkness is restful, but not for a young spirit that was brutally killed before it's her time.

Chrissy sits on the precipice of at ease with her fate as long as she's with Eddie, and vengeful spirit that wants to cause misery for others. It's not the kind of person she was, but so much of her innocence and kindness died along with her that day in his trailer. She has to find it within her again.]

Are you sure? [Sounding uncertain, she frets and worries her hands together. Wanting more of the warmth that's radiating off of him, she leans back in and presses their foreheads together. The contact is enough to make her shiver, but it also calms her enough she can speak.]

What does it say you need to do?

[ Eddie almost doesn't hear her, for how absorbed he is in the book. Its pages are in Latin, but there is almost a full translation scrawled into the margins, some of it his own work, most of it from however many people the book had passed through before it had reached him. The page doesn't paint a pretty picture, at least now for its cost. But it makes sense that life would carry the heaviest cost imaginable.

It doesn't matter to him what the cost is. He's willing to pay it. ]

I'm sure.

[ Eddie looks at her with grave solemnity, debating what to tell her. He doesn't want to lie to her, but he's afraid that if he tells her, she'll beg him not to go through with it. Thoughts tumble over each other in a furious clatter as he tries to sort out what to say. He swallows hard around the lump in his throat, unable to force it down. ]

It's... not going to be easy. [ That much is true, even if he's dancing around the rest of it. ] I need you to trust me, Chrissy. I can do this. It's going to take some time but-- I'm going to bring you back. For real.

[How is it possible for her to feel this sense of dread, even as she's elated that he's found some kind of way to fix things for her? She isn't breathing, not in the literal sense of the word. But somehow, her breath still catches in her throat. It's with wide eyes that she stares up at him, and gives an unsure little shake of her head that makes her ponytail bounce and sway.]

Eddie, you don't...

[She can hear the uncertainty in her voice, and covers up her mouth with both hands. It won't be easy, she knows. He's just told her so, and beyond that, she's not stupid. She knows that bringing someone back to life isn't meant to be easy. Or something that the person dabbling in such a dark act can get away with unscathed. How can anything as selfless as saving her be dark, though?

Chrissy willingly puts on blinders to the possible dangers in order to keep herself from begging him not to. Still, the protest sits on the tip of her tongue, just waiting to be uttered.]

Can you promise that you won't get hurt trying to do this?

[Of course, she makes it sound like that's the only way she'll trust him to do it. Her mind's already made up. She wants him to. But she feels so completely selfish and awful for feeling like she deserves it. Her life shouldn't come at any cost to anyone. Especially not him.]

[ Eddie falls silent for a long moment, debating how to answer her. Of course, the fact that he hesitates at all should do enough to broadcast the answer. In the end, he decides there's no point in lying to her, not now. When he looks at her, he tries to smile, but something like sorrow creases his face. It was his fault she died, and now it's his responsibility to bring her back. ]

I can't promise that.

[ Besides, he misses her, in a way he hasn't felt since his mother had died. He would do anything to bring her to that picnic table in the woods again, to be able to flirt and laugh and throw himself back into the leaves in the name of making her smile. So if there's a way to make that happen, he's going to do it. ]

I might get hurt. [ It's more likely than not. ] But I won't die. [ Probably. ] It'll be worth it, Chrissy.

[She panics at the thought of him getting hurt. That's the last thing that she wants to happen. Her heightened emotional state makes her flicker for a second, almost as if she might up and vanish. She doesn't, although her hand swipes right through him when she reaches out to grab hold of his shoulder. Not being as solid as she was a moment ago makes her panic even more, and she whimpers as she scrambles to try and grab hold of his arm.

It takes her a few tries, and she's crying by the time she finally grabs him. But she focuses and manages it, head nodding in desperation. While she doesn't want him to get hurt, she also doesn't want to fade away to nothing. It's a conflicting, guilty thing. One that doesn't sit right with her, but she also isn't sure what other choice they have. Eddie seems pretty determined to do this.]

But what if it isn't worth it? I mean, everyone here thinks I'm dead. I can't go back home.

[She slides her hand down to try and grip hold of his hand as if he's her anchor to reality.]

Can I?

[ Eddie tries to remain calm as Chrissy panics, even though he feels his heart race. He can't lose her, not now, not when he's so close to having her back. Just when he thinks his heart can't break further, the sight of her upset and desperately trying to hold onto him manages to do it. It's all he can do to keep himself still, needing to be something solid for her to hold onto-- figuratively and literally.

When she finally makes the connection again, Eddie can't help but heave a sigh of relief. He clasps a hand overtop of hers, reaches with the other to cup her cheek. ]

It's worth it, even if we have to leave Hawkins altogether. [ That doesn't sound too bad to him, honestly. ] Chrissy, I... I've missed you so much. I think about you everyday. I know I'm being selfish but-- please, you have to let me try.

[Leave Hawkins?

Okay, that sounds like the start of a plan. It's something solid that they both can hold onto. Right now though, she's too busy clinging hold of him to dare grip hold of the idea of a new life somewhere else.]

You've missed me?

[The awe in her voice is impossible to miss. It's hard for her to believe that anyone would miss her enough to want her back. She's not that memorable of a person, really. Too flawed and awkward, too young to have done anything worthwhile or memorable. But when her hand finds his cheek and slides upward to brush his hair out of his face, he feels so warm and solid that it doesn't matter how selfish either of them are.

She misses being with him so badly that the ache is eating through her.]

It's not selfish to want to save someone you care about. To want to be with the person you l -

[Love is a word they hadn't said to one another. But he must feel it, to be this determined to be with her again. To miss her enough that he wants to save her. It was evil and darkness that took her away from the world. But it's love that's going to bring her back to life.]

I haven't stopped thinking about you.

[ Eddie says quietly, his voice just above a whisper. Chrissy Cunningham has consumed his every thought even before he died, even before their meeting in the woods. He can't say for sure when exactly it started, seeing as he's has a crush on her since middle school. But it's more than his own selfish wants, at least, he thinks it is. She deserved so much better than what happened to her, deserves more than most of the people in this God forsaken town. ]

For someone you... yeah.

[ Maybe he hasn't heard her correctly, maybe he's misunderstood what that cut off word might be. Love would be silly, wouldn't it? In reality they hadn't known each other that well, had barely even been acquaintances. That doesn't explain the deep hurt he has carried in his heart all this time. ]

We're going to do this, Chrissy. And it's going to work.

[It's hard to let herself be filled with hope right now. The thought of things not working out and her having to lose it all is enough to make her almost panic again. She somehow manages to hold it together though, and only nods in response at first. She's so nervous about what Eddie isn't telling her, because she's so used to people not completely filling her in on the plan. Even when plans involve her, she seems to be a bystander in her own life.

Or in this case, her death and afterlife.

But Eddie isn't going to do anything that might harm her, she reminds herself. He cares about her, more than she realized.]

Just tell me what to do. Maybe we can make it work now.

All you have to do is stay here.

[ There's more he needs to gather, to prepare. He thinks now that he's brought her here, she should be able to stay in this state. She won't be able to leave him him, tethered to the point of her death, so he has to trust her not to panic. Which of course is easier said than done, especially when her very existence feels so precarious. ]

You just need to stay calm, okay? I know... I mean, I can't imagine. It might be scary. [ Eddie leans towards her, looking so concerned for her. ] I'll be back tomorrow. I have a lot to do.

[ And then he does something he very much wants to do, though he can't be sure if it will work, how it will feel. He leans close to kiss her, and their lips do meet, though the kiss is like ice. Eddie doesn't seem to mind, all he cares about is that it's solid, that it's her. When he finally breaks apart, he's smiling, flushed in the face, feeling more certain than ever. ]

It's all gonna be okay, Chrissy, I promise. I need you to believe me.

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